


Does He, Doesn’t He

by skipperafterdark



Series: tummy insecurities [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Body Image, Chubby Phil Lester, Dan is best boyfriend, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Weight Gain, uhh it’s very slight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-04-17 16:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14193240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skipperafterdark/pseuds/skipperafterdark
Summary: Phil has put on weight. It’s a normal thing that happens, so he doesn’t mind.Or... maybe he does. He thinks he looks good, but also, he doesn’t.He’s working out his thoughts.chub kink if you squint.





	Does He, Doesn’t He

**Author's Note:**

> So, this ficlet is mostly a projection of my own thoughts onto Phil. Don’t really know what to make of them, but I hope you enjoy, and if you relate, now you’ve got someone to talk to. (Seriously. My ask box is always open on tumblr.)  
> raspberrymadeline was, again, a huge help in cleaning it up! Go show them some love!!

          He hadn’t meant to put on weight.

          It was just a thing that had happened.

          It wasn’t a bad thing… rather a nice change, actually. As a kid he’d been fairly skinny, never fit or quite chubby, but it suited his frame just right. As his adult life became a sedentary one, it started to show physically. The slight layer of fat (likely accumulated from snacking while editing) settled mostly on his abdomen and thighs. Some of it stuck to his hips too, creating a lovely little muffin top. And when he overate, his stomach pooched out over his trousers; Dan adored the way it puffed out and how content he looked, especially since it was so rare that Phil truly overindulged.

     He didn’t mind. Usually.

     But, on rare occasions, it bothered him. Not that other people were looking - it was unusual that he was shirtless, anyway. Sometimes the way his body had become troubled him. ‘You’ve always been so well-built,’ his brain would say. ‘Why would you let yourself go like that?’  
And then he’d reply, ‘I’ve never cared. I’m not unattractive with the weight, and besides, the only person I’ve got to impress is Dan. He likes it, and... so do I.’

     He wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe the standards of attractiveness the media presented were just engraved into his subconscious. Maybe it was the way he put on weight, his lower body thickening much faster than the rest of him, that he disliked so much. Maybe he didn’t actually like it the way he thought he did. Though the thoughts were disproved by how much he enjoyed being softer, warmer, able to eat without a care. In turn this thought could be disproved by how much he sucked in his tummy.

    God, he always forgot how often he did that. It was almost constant. Phil had spent more time than was probably mentally healthy in front of the mirror, noting the differences between a held-in tum and a natural one. He’d look at how the waistbands of his trousers bit into him, only a little small for him; how his shirts no longer hung right off him, instead catching on the rounded belly underneath. Every accentuated curve, how adorable it was, how it could be hidden, whether it was worth so much attention. He would run a hand over his middle, feeling how soft it was. Sometimes it would be a reminder of how cute he was, and other times it was a reminder of how, well, not.

     He supposed it would be better to just move on. He knew it would be. And he really did try, but it had become such a common occurrence that it was hard to get by. His eating habits had always been the same, only punctuated by the odd binge. The pleasantly plump physique would make him smile as he walked his fingers over the curve, and as Dan idly rested a hand on its peak. But the next morning he would feel like he needed to start working out more regularly, if only to shed the few, hardly noticeable pounds.

     When it came to particularly conflicting internal conversations, Dan seemed to possess a radar. Without mentioning how he’d picked up on Phil’s mood (had it been something thought aloud, an expression, or otherwise), the younger man would set to work. He’d offhandedly mention how beautiful he found Phil. He’d compliment him on something. He’d be sure to pay extra special attention Phil’s tummy during intimate moments. And after a particularly bad episode of self-deprecation, Dan buckled down and listed everything he loved about Phil’s body.

     So, it was a process. And Phil knew, deep down, he was happy with the way he looked. If it took Dan reminding him every day that he was beautiful no matter what, then, Dan promised, that’s what would happen.


End file.
